Fake Patch Notes, or "Blizzard, Take a Hint"

According to the creator of the fake patch notes:

Yep I'm Spybot. Well, I should say we're Spybot. My co-worker and I are responsible for the 1.8, 1.12, fake druid BC talent screenshots, and the latest 2.1.0 patch notes. Writing these really pass the time at work :P

I don't think I need to tell most of you that they're all fake. The reason we write these is to present a list of suggestions that we think would improve the game. I'm sure Blizzard would rather us use the suggestions forum :P but obviously fake patch notes will get much more exposure. If you're curious at how we were able to put so many obscure bug fixes and technical stuff, we copied and pasted everything from the UI + Macros and Bug Reports forums. The rest was blue posts and our own input. The "KDM" shoutout was for Caydiem - sorry for all the headaches with the other patch notes. Anyhow while these patch notes are 100% fake, I hope you at least had fun reading it.

-Spybot

My household's favorite note is the "battleground matching system," where twinking is effectively neutralized.


2.1.0 (Fake) Patch Notes

The Black Temple

• Originally founded as a Draenei temple, this plot has been conquered and despoiled many times throughout the history of Outland, removing any spiritual grace it may have once held. The Black Temple has been the stage of the Orc Horde's blood curse, a fortress for the then-mortal Ner'zhul, and a prime staging ground for the Burning Legion's campaign of destruction.. Most recently, it has been claimed as home by Illidan, where he and his minions make their bid for power over the remnants of the shattered planet. Now, it is up to you to face the malefic forces of Illidan and his minions in hopes of freeing Outland from chaos and tyranny.

Battleground Matching System

• A player matching system has been put into effect to encourage a more competitive player vs. player environment. The system will work by assigning a “gear rating” to every player for each honorable kill earned, based on the value of the player’s equipped items at the time. These ratings are averaged over many battles, and will be used by the system to match up players of similar strength in cross-realm battlegrounds.

General

• Equivalent percentages are now displayed for combat ratings on item tooltips.
• Holiday quests and other seasonal quests done during past events that previously could not be repeated can now be completed.
• Weapons with uncontrollable procs (e.g. stun) will no longer trigger diminishing returns in PvP.
• Repeatable quests no longer award experience to players at max level (70).
• Talent bonuses are now reflected in the character tab.
• Confused guards in Silvermoon City, Exodar, and other places no longer give directions to locations in Stormwind City.
• System performance when enabling the full screen glow effect improved.
• Players using dual video card setups will now have their graphic options optimized by default.
• Guards now give directions to more locations than before (e.g. reagent vendors, faction leaders, nearest repair NPCs etc.)
• Booty Bay is now flagged as outdoors.
• Fixed display issues with female Blood Elf models.
• The male gnome /cheer animation now plays properly.
• Blood Elf and Draenei player characters are now properly flagged in many quests.

PvP

• Entering an arena will now grant the “Gladiator’s Resolve” buff that increases health by 20%.
• The amount of resilience rating needed to get the same benefit has been decreased.
• Fixed an issue with Halaa guards evading and preventing players from taking over the city.
• Fixed an issue that caused players to resurrect with less than full health and mana in battlegrounds while wearing items that grant random item attributes.

Pets

• Warlock and Hunter pets will now respawn when its owner dismounts from a flying mount.
• Damage from combat pets will now count towards items and abilities that proc off killing blows.

Druids

• An Epic Flight Form quest has been added to the game. The Artisan riding skill is a prerequisite to beginning the quest.
• Additional stacks of “Lifebloom” now benefit from bonus healing.
• “Nature’s Reach” now also reduces threat caused by Balance spells by 5/10%.
• The bleed effect of “Lacerate” now increases in potency with greater attack power.
• The “Bear Form” armor bonus has been increased to 200% from 180%.
• “Frenzied Regeneration” now converts 20 points of rage into 10% of total health per second for 5 sec.
• “Tiger’s Fury” has been changed to increase your damage by 15% for 6 seconds.
• “Faerie Fire” is now castable in Cat, Bear, and Dire Bear Forms and has no mana cost and a six second cooldown.
• “Barkskin” now also reduces threat generated by spells for the duration.
• “Remove Curse”, “Cure Poison”, and “Abolish Poison” can now be cast in “Tree of Life” form.
• “Tree of Life” form now grants a 200% armor bonus.
• The “Faerie Fire (Feral)” talent has been removed and replaced in position by Improved Faerie Fire.
• “Improved Faerie Fire” has been reduced to 1 rank, for a 3% bonus.
• New Talent (Balance): “Improved Moonkin Aura” - Tier 7 talent; Your Moonkin Aura also causes affected targets to have a 100% chance to regain 15/30% of the mana cost of any spell when they get a critical hit. The regeneration effect cannot occur more than once every 12 sec. Requires 1 point in Moonkin Form.
• “Gift of the Wild (Rank 3)” now has a range consistent with other ranks of the spell.

Hunters

• “Monster Slaying” and “Humanoid Slaying” have been removed and replaced by the “Master Tracker” talent, which increases damage and critical strike damage caused against a tracked target by 1/2/3%.
• “Lightning Reflexes” has been increased to a 5/10/15/20/25% bonus.
• “Deflection” has been reduced to 2 ranks for a 2/5% bonus.
• “Improved Feign Death” has been changed to give “Feign Death” a 50/100% to remove all harmful effects.
• “Master Tactician” has been changed to give your critical hits with ranged attacks a 100% chance to increase your critical strike chance against the target by 2% for 8 sec. The effect stacks up to 5 times.
• “Clever Traps” now also increases the damage of “Snake Trap” by 15/30% against flying targets.
• “Kill Command” no longer triggers the global cooldown.
• “Feign Death” now properly de-aggros player pets.
• “Readiness” now properly finishes the cooldown on “Misdirection”.

Mages

• Fixed several issues with the “Water Elemental”.
• The “Arcane Blast” debuff should now be applied when “Arcane Blast” is cast instantly with the “Netherwind Regalia” 8 piece set bonus.

Paladins

• “Libram of Eternal Rest” no longer prevents “Judgment of the Crusader” from refreshing.
• “Illumination” now returns the correct amount of mana when using ranks

Priests

• “Shadow Reach” now reduces threat caused by Shadow spells by 5/10% in addition to increasing the range of your Shadow spells.
• “Healing Focus” now affects “Binding Heal”.
• “Prayer of Fortitude (Rank 3)” now has a range consistent with other ranks of the spell.
• “Surge of Light” no longer consumes the full mana cost of “Smite”.
• The “Weakened Soul” debuff no longer re-applies if the priest zones immediately after it ends.

Rogues

• “Improved Sap” no longer initiates the “Master of Subtlety” timer.
• “Surprise Attacks” now prevents “Envenom” from being dodged.

Shaman

• “Rockbiter (Rank 3)” should now affect all maces.

Warlocks

• “Succubus” can now seduce many humanoids that were previously immune to charm effects.
• “Curse of Doom” now properly consumes “Amplify Curse”.

Items

• The relative value of sockets when assigning stats to items has been standardized on high end items to match lower end items. As a direct result of this change, many higher quality items have had their stats improved.
• Fixed an issue where identical bonuses from separate items were not stacking properly.
• Hit rating granted from items is now reflected in the ranged character tab.
• Fixed an issue where lockpicked boxes sent in the mail would become locked again.
• The 2 piece set bonus from the “Netherweave Tunic” set now properly stacks with the 6 piece set bonus from “Field Marshal’s Regalia”.
• The 3 piece set bonus from the “Defiler's Purpose” set now applies properly.
• The 3 piece set bonus from the “Felstalker Armor” set now applies properly.
• Fixed a bug where unequipping pieces from “Moonglade Raiment” while in feral form would cause the Druid to lose buffs.
• “Eye of the Beast” now properly stacks with the “Imbued Netherweave” set.
• The 5-piece “Felheart Raiment” set bonus will now always grant the Demonic Ally buff.
• “Totem of Pulsing Earth” should now be better than “Totem of Lightning”.
• “Admantile Weight Stones” can now be applied to fist weapons.
• “Whitemend Hood” will now display properly on male Blood Elf characters.
• “Thatia’s Self-Correcting Gauntlets” are now bind-on-pickup.
• “Fetish of the Fallen” no longer requires a killing blow to proc.
• “Mark of Defiance” will now proc off healing spells.
• Nature protection potions will no longer proc spiritual attunement.
• “Boots of the Infernal Coven” can now be disenchanted.
• The bind-on-equip version of “Clefthoof Hide Leggings” has had its name changed to “Clefthoof Hide Kilt”.
• “Marsh Lichen” is now considered a fungus.
• The “Learn Two Parachute” trinket should now properly prevent players from taking falling damage.
• “Quixotic Quotient” now has More charges.
• “Twin-Bladed Ripper” now has a sell price.
• Equipping and un-equipping “Wrynn Dynasty Greaves” will no longer cause the player’s defense rating to fluctuate.
• The “Hand of Edward the Odd” proc will now properly make the next spell cast instantly.
• “Enigmatic Skyfire Diamond” now properly grants the crit bonus.
• “Oracle Belt of Timeless Mystery” no longer has an on use effect.
• Fixed an issue where the “Tidefury Helm” graphic would display incorrectly on Troll female characters.
• Fixed a typo in the name of “Druidic Helmet of Second Sight”.
• Fixed a typo in the recipe description of “Earth Shatter”.
• “Gyromast’s Key” will now be removed from your inventory after the quest “Gyromasts Revenge” has been completed.
• “Strikers Pauldron” will now render correctly under different lighting conditions.
• Fixed a display issue with “Lunar Crescent Axe” on female Night Elf characters.
• Fixed the proc rate of “Masquerade Gown”.
• “Hammer of Destiny” will now properly proc.
• Players will be relieved to learn that many helm graphics no longer remove hair.
• Sickle of Unyielding Strength will now display correctly on characters.
• Fixed a typo in the flavor text of “Fenclaw Hide”.
• The tooltip of “Burrowers Shell” now indicates that it absorbs physical damage.
• “Mok'Nathal Hero's Pantaloons” now has a sell price.

Professions

• Engineering has undergone an extensive review. Some of the improvements and additions made to the profession include:
• New unique items including the mechanical tracking “Gadget Portable Sensor” and the “Clean Bomb”, which cleanses nearby party members.
• Many existing items have been retuned to be less expensive to craft and/or more potent.
• Many existing bind-on-equip Engineering items have been retuned to be more desirable to other players, and new plans have been added.
• Plans for specialized ammo and powerful bind-on-pickup guns that only you can use.
• Additional crafted non-combat and combat pets.
• Crafted “Steam Tank” and “Flying Machine” mounts useable only by engineers.
• And much more!
• Recipes for drinks that restore mana have been added. These recipes will require water from different sources (e.g. Skysong Lake spring water) that can be collected with bottles that are sold from vendors.
• Many enchanting formulae will now properly substitute higher level enchanting rods for lower level rods.
• “Schematic: Spybot” can again be found in the game.
• Fixed an issue where players were sometimes unable to unlearn profession specializations.
• “Cut Citrine” has been properly implemented in the game.
• “Elixir Mastery” now works with “Fel Strength Elixir”.
• “Foreman’s Enchanted Helmet” no longer requires a reagent which is not available.
• Fixed a bug with the “+40 Spell Damage Enchantment” which was preventing it from benefiting healing spells.
• Players will now receive a message when learning the Leatherworking recipe for “Onyxia Scale Cloak”.
• “Plans: Fiery Plate Gauntlets” no longer requires being an Armorsmith to learn.

User Interface

• The Looking For Group system has been overhauled. The “Looking For Group” and “Looking For More” tabs in the Looking For Group tool have now been consolidated into one interface. Making a selection in a category (Dungeon, Raid, Group Quest, and Zone) will add the player to a player listing with other eligible players seeking a group. The listing indicates whether each player is solo, in a group, or the leader of a group. The auto-join functionality of the LFG tool has been removed. In addition, the Looking For Group channel has been re-implemented. The channel is viewable by everyone, but players must be in the Looking For Group system to chat in the channel.
• The Auction House now has a gem sub-category.
• There is now a Remember Price option when creating auctions in the Auction House and sending cash on Delivery mail.
• There is now a Reset option when searching the Auction House.
• Several class specific interface options have been added, including:
• A toggle for automatic switching between “autoshot” and “autoattack” for hunters.
• An option to use a separate action bar while in Moonkin Form or prowling in Cat Form for druids.
• Spells that have reagent costs will show the number of uses left in the lower right corner of the action icon, just like consumable items on the action bar.
• Players will be able to see how much memory the UI is using and the top 3 addons using memory.
• The UI memory limit has been removed, and memory profiling features are available.
• CPU profiling features are available (but must be enabled).
• The Blizzard UI Code has been inspected and several instances of IsVisible corrected to use IsShown as appropriate.
• Conditionals on #show and #showtooltip
• Memory Profiling
• Script memory is now tracked on a per-addon basis, with functions provided to analyze and query usage.
• The script memory manager has been optimized and the garbage collection tuned so there is no longer any need for a hard cap on the amount of UI memory available.
• NEW: UpdateAddOnMemoryUsage() - Scan through memory profiling data and update the per-addon statistics
• NEW: usedKB = GetAddOnMemoryUse(index or "name") - query an addon's memory use (in K, precision to 1 byte) - This returns a cached value calculated by UpdateAddOnMemoryUsage().
• CPU Profiling
• CPU profiling is disabled by default since it has some overhead. CPU profiling is controlled by the scriptProfile cvar, which persists across sessions, and takes effect after a UI reload.
• When profiling is enabled, you can use the following functions to retrieve CPU usage statistics. Times are in seconds with about-a-microsecond precision:
• NEW: time = GetScriptCPUUsage() - Returns the total timeused by the scripting system
• NEW: UpdateAddOnCPUUsage() - Scan through the profiling data and update the per-addon statistics
• NEW: time = GetAddOnCPUUsage(index or \"name\") - Returns the total time used by the specified AddOn. This returns a cached value calculated by UpdateAddOnCPUUsage().
• NEW: time, count = GetFunctionCPUUsage(function[, includeSubroutines]) - Returns the time used and number of times the specified function was called. If 'includeSubroutines' is true or omitted, the time includes both the time spent in the function and subroutines called by the function. If it is false, then time is only the time actually spent by the code in the function itself.
• NEW: time, count = GetFrameCPUUsage(frame[, includeChildren]) - Returns the time used and number of function calls of any of the frame's script handlers. If 'includeChildren' is true or omitted, the time and call count will include the handlers for all of the frame's children as well.
• NEW: time, count = GetEventCPUUsage(["event"]) - Returns the time used and number of times the specified event has been triggered. If 'event' is omitted, the time and count will be totals across all events.
• NEW: ResetCPUUsage() - Reset all CPU profiling statistics to zero.
• NEW: KDM() - Now functions for Tauren Druid characters.
• Frames
• NEW: Frame:HookScript("name", function) - Exactly equivalent to hooksecurefunc(), but usable with frame script handlers. (Note that like hooksecurefunc(), this is not intended as a general hooking replacement, but to allow hooking of secure frame handlers.)
• GameTooltip
• UPDATED : name, unitid = GameTooltip:GetUnit() - Added second 'unitid' return value
• NEW: hasComparison = GameTooltip:SetHyperlinkCompareItem(link, index) - Sets a comparison tooltip to show the index'th comparison item to the item specified as link. Will return a true value if there is an index'th comparison item (index is 1 or 2).
• API Functions
• UPDATED: isSecure, taint = issecurevariable() - Now returns a second value which is the name of the addon that tainted the variable (or the empty string if it was tainted by a macro script), if it is not secure.
• UPDATED: GetCursorInfo() will now return "merchant", index when the cursor holds a merchant item.
• NEW - link = GetSendMailItemLink()
• Secure Templates
• For "item" buttons, name can bean item ID or item link.
• Action buttons will automatically update if their action attribute changes (You can even do something like this ActionButton1:SetId(0) ActionButton1:SetAttribute("action", 1) ActionButton1:SetAttribute("shift-action*", 2) and when you hold down the shift key, it will show the icon, feedback and tooltip for action 2.
• The SecureStateHeaderTemplate now supports a small stack of saved states that can be used in state transition rules via push/pop/swap actions (See the header file for usage information)
• Macros
• New conditional [flyable] which is true if you're in a location where you could use a flying mount
• You can use %f in chat text to refer to your focus, the same way %t or %n refers to your target.
• Added macro option support for /dismount.
• Macros containing conditionals will automatically update their visual feedback as appropriate during play.
• #show and #showtooltip can be given conditionals and will update dynamically
• #show and #showtooltip can be given a slot number, to display the appropriate feedback for that slot
• Bug Fixes
• The raid pullout positions will be saved and restored between sessions
• Fixed a bug where frame alpha wasn't used b the Cooldown frame type
• Self cast works with items such as bandages
• Fixed errant 'this' in ContainerFrameItemButton_OnEnter
• Auction house sorting is fixed (There is now sorting by "bid", "buyout", and "buyoutthenbid". The main aucion house browse tab uses "buyoutthenbid" as requested by design. the other two tabs ("bids" and "auctions") use the proper sort ("bid vs. "buyout")).

Raids and Dungeons

• Tier 6 armor sets are now in the game.
• The loot in Heroic mode instances has been improved.
• Many mobs have had their 360 degree chain melee attacks changed to directional, 180 degree cone attacks.
• Sunken Temple
• Fixed a bug where Jammal'an the Prophet would sometimes ignore a mind controlled player if the party wiped.
• Blackwing Lair
• Chromaggus Brood Afflictions no longer target totems.
• Hellfire Citadel:Hellfire Ramparts
• Vazruden the Herald and Nazan should now respawn properly after a wipe.
• Hellfire Citadel:Blood Furnace
• Fixed an issue where mobs sometimes stay untargetable during the Broggok event when in Heroic mode.
• The last wave of Fel Orcs will no longer respawn if the last orc is mind controlled.
• Shadow Labyrinth
• Fel Overseers will now path correctly.
• Karazhan
• Fixed an issue where Prince Malchezaar sometimes becomes untargetable after wiping.
• Romulo should now respawn correctly after a wipe.
• The door to Shade of Aran’s room now opens properly.
• Magtheridon’s Lair
• Hellfire Channelers now have slightly more health.
• The damage and casting time bonuses of Hellfire Channelers from Soul Transfer has been reduced.
• Gruul’s Lair
• Gruul the Dragonkiller now deals less melee damage.

Mac

• Resolved several potential compatibility issues in preparation for OS X 10.5.
• Fixed a stack overflow error that would sometimes occur while zoning into raid instances.
• Fixed a bug where the 25th quest in the quest log was flagged as being failed.

Bug Fixes

• The “Seal of Ascension” quest chain can now be properly completed.
• “Cyclone” can no longer be used on Hunters and their pets while Bestial Wrath and The Beast Within are active.
• Mages can no longer blink out of the bubble before the match starts in “Eye of the Storm”.
• Shifting in and out of “Bear Form” or “Dire Bear Form” will no longer heal you.
• The flight path between Evergrove and Swamprat Post will no longer pass through a building.
• The Exodar weapon master no longer trains “One-Handed Maces” for 1 gold.
• Rogue poisons applied by special attacks can now be properly dispelled.
• Gems will now be properly mailed each month as reputation rewards for “The Consortium”.
• Draenei characters will now leave footprints.
• “Prayer of Mending” will now get the bonus from “Amplify Magic”.
• Non-hostile actions will no longer break “Invisibility”.
• Fixed an issue where “Enrage” sometimes caused the user to be stuck in combat.
• Druids can now learn “Mangle” while a ghost.
• Fixed a bug where “Commanding Shout” healed the warrior when used at low health.
• The “Enchant Weapon - Mongoose” no longer lowers weapon range.
• Fixed an issue where Oronok Torn-heart did not give the last quest in “The Cipher of Damnation” quest chain.
• Fixed an issue where having the resilience stat prevented the “Enrage” talent from activating.
• Fixed an issue where the Windroc Matriarch would not spawn after attempting to loot the egg in the “Bring Me the Egg!” quest.
• Fixed an issue where Tortured Druid mobs in Silithus dealt damage instead of healing Hive’Ashi Drone summons.
• Gnomes and other vertically challenged characters are now able to properly fish in certain nodes.
• Fixed an issue where Vhel’Kur gets stuck for the “Gorefiend’s Armor” quest.
• Socrethar will no longer become unable to be attacked in the “Deathblow to the Legion” quest.
• Fixed a display issue with hunter shot animations when using bows.
• Elementals in the “From the Ashes” quest will no longer follow you around when out of combat.
• Fixed a typo in the “Goods from Silvermoon City” quest.
• The “Vorsha the Lasher” quest will now properly display the player’s name in the quest text.
• Garons Hutchins is no longer a vendor.
• “This is Outland!” now properly rewards 300 reputation with Kurenai.
• Fixed an evade bug in the quest “Gorefiend’s Truncheon”.
• Netherock Crumblers will now aggro in the “Breaking Down Netherock” quest.
• The “Gushing Wound” debuff will now be removed properly by heals.
• The Death Ravager mob on Azuremyst Isle is no longer tamable.
• Fixed a typo in the “Missing Diplomat” quest.
• Omor the Unscarred no longer casts Treacherous Aura on non-combat pets.

Do you have anything to add to the patch notes? What do you want Blizzard to change? (Oh, and I haven't actually read this whole thing. I just thought folks might be curious. Me? I have better things to do -- like killing murlocs. Or getting ganked by twinks on the battlegrounds.)