Sunday, April 13, 2008

Insensitivity, or "Applauding Making Girls Cry"

We've already discussed how the official Warcraft forums are a cesspool. Today, after asking for a bit of advice with my Role Playing endeavors, I stumbled on a post from a guy who had a fight with his sister.

This is what happened: She asked him to send an email to a friend using her email. As a joke, he added the line "You suck" to the end of the email. What he didn't realize was that it was going to an extremely sensitive girl who didn't realize it was a joke and cried. A lot.

His sister, when she found out, removed Warcraft and all his non-work-related bookmarks from his computer as retaliation and "screamed" at him.

The guy got some heat for suggesting he'd do physical violence to his sister if she didn't let it go. In the end, the thread became an argument over whether he was right or the sister was right and who wronged who first and the dynamics of sibling relationships.

My Conclusions

The mistake was an honest one. He didn't realize how hard the friend would take it and, by all accounts, he's a guy (which often, and definitely in this case, means "doesn't realize GIRLS AREN'T GUYS") and he realizes what he did was a mistake.

The sister was justified in getting angry and defending her friend. What she did to his computer wasn't permanent or vicious, just petty and annoying. He might never remember what the url was for that porn site he liked so much, but I think he'll live.

What bothered me the most:
  • The guy tried to justify his side of things based on his sister overreacting when she screamed at him, rather than taking responsibility for a joke gone wrong and apologizing to the girl he hurt.
  • The people replying to his post who took his side made fun of "weak teenage girls" and one said the joke was still funny even if she cried. As a sensitive female, this upset me more than anything. If I wasn't married or if I didn't have great male relatives, I would seriously be hating men right now.
The cruel, insensitive people are the reason Warcraft sometimes SUCKS. They're also the main type of person you'll find on the forums. They're the guys who used to beat up the nice guys in high school, or who thought Columbine was funny. They're the ones who ruin other people's gameplay for fun.

I guess what I'm saying is... today I saw real chauvinism, guys who think girls in pain are amusing. And it got to me.

/sigh There's a reason my husband banned me from reading the Zuluhed forums. Maybe I should take that up for all forums?


  1. Hello,

    Im male, but I want to look at this from both perspectives.

    'You suck' isn't a particularly hurtful insult. Thats the male in me talking there. From a female perspective, receiving a 'you suck' from a friend can be upsetting (And for men too, we just don't talk about it).

    I don't think it deserved the crying but I can appreciate I don't fully understand the dynamics of the two friends relationship.

    The guy here was a petty example of the male species and I urge any females reading this not to generically label us all as sociopaths.

    In this case, I believe that both people involved here are incredibly emotionally immature. I would not be surprised if they were both younger than the age of 18. Any sensible adult would not a) Send such a petty remark as a 'joke'. b) The girl should just ring up or go to the house of her friend and explain. The crying would cease. End of.

    To Birdfall: Forums can be distressing places. Avoid them like the plague. Contrary to popular mantra they do not facilitate any form of healthy debate.

  2. I agree the guy was immature -- I should note that I meant the cruel and horrible people were the ones replying to him, saying he was awesome to make a girl cry. Sorry if I didn't make that clear, that he's not among them even though he could have behaved better. I didn't think he was a sociopath, just some of the others.

  3. Advice: Don't read the forums.

    Perspective: Guy was an idiot for sending that message and then trying to defend it. Girl was an idiot for trusting her brother to be polite and friendly in writing an email to the sister's friend. (I mean, come on!, what brother wouldn't take that opportunity to mess with someone's head?)

    Conclusion: Stupidity is genetic.

  4. That would basically sum up why I never read the WoW forums. I used to...3 years ago. Now I just check blogs for insight and advice and never venture onto WoW's site. Too many people that think the internet allows them to be completely rude and moronic.


    Such is life though?

    I'm back in the world of Azeroth now as well and wanted to shoot you a hello :) I'll be blogging soon about my wonderful adventures...with a wonderful new someone at my side :P hehe

    Hope to see you around :)

  5. I actually think the people who are on the forums acting like big tough guys are the ones who got beat up in high school and are taking their anger out on other people because they can without the threat of getting a beating.

  6. Hi Dusty!

    Forums: I personally agree that the WoW Forums is the most deplorable location in our world. I'm shocked to look at how people abuse one another. It's like two children with their fingers in their ears screaming at the top of their lungs. I've honestly stopped going to the forums. And I feel like I've grown as a person for doing so.

    The Insult: I agree that both people have some fault here. Deleting his links and such in the browser isn't a suitable punishment for the crime. It's fickle and cruel. Although he's clearly not innocent either. The problem is that they're both wrong, and that's one of the hardest situations to deal with. Because it's complicated being the first one to surrender. What if the other person doesn't apologize when you do?

    I think we should make a movement to open apologies. And when someone apologizes for wronging you... you do not take it harshly. You accept and adore that they came clean.


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